supermom in the making

after having patrick i now understand how God created super moms. basic training includes pain. all kinds of pains.

after birth the pain doesn't go away. you'd think being in labor was the most intense pain you could ever experience. wrong. well, sort of. labor pain was so intense that you wish you weren't pregnant. but then after giving birth you're experiencing another kind of pain. the not-so-painful-but-yet-very-annoying-and-can-make-you-cry kinda pain.

well that's what life's like for me now, almost 3 weeks after giving birth to patrick. first came the dull pain of stitches. you feel so sore down there that you actually feel reluctant to walk, pee, shower, let alone poop. and then there's the sore vagina too. mine was so swollen a few hours after that i actually feel like i had a double vagina.

oh not to mention my swollen feet. they don't hurt, but they make you feel stiff. and at night they started to itch real bad.

after that came the sore nipples. mine was chapped and cracked due to patrick's still-poor latching ability. at first it didn't hurt as bad but as time comes the pain intensify from a bee sting to shoot-me-in-the-head pain. then after 4 days milk came bursting from my breasts. good, yes, but they also made my breasts very engorged and that's painful too. i actually cried because my manual breasts pump didn't work and hubby had to run to walmart in the middle of the night just to buy me an electric breasts pump. last night the pain was so extreme that i wanted to cut my nipple off.

apart from the pain there's also the psychological issues. i don't know why but every afternoon i feel like crying out loud. and it can be for a number of reasons too. mine varies from mom's critics, pain, seeing patrick strapped into a carseat, hubby asking me what i wanted for dinner.. anything.

and to top things off: lack of sleep. first night at home patrick spent the night fussing and demanding cuddle and nipples. so i didn't sleep at all until 5am when my husband woke up. it's getting better now, i managed to steal a 2-3 hour sleep between his nursing schedule. but still, i get tired every afternoon. i need to learn to sleep when patrick's sleeping. really.

so now you'd forgive me when i say i cry like a baby when nighttime falls, wouldn't you?